The Proverbs 31 Woman
Proverbs 31:10-31 is often held up as the Biblical view of a godly or Christian wife. Much is made of her industry, her relationship with her husband, and her family. While all these traits are admirable and worthy of praise, I believe they are secondary to that which makes everything else possible and worthwhile.
A Virtuous Woman
The most significant issue about being a Christian wife is not her relationship to her husband. You may plug any good man into that relationship, and she may still shine as a bright example of God’s calling on her life. That which is most significant is that trait with which she is introduced and that which establishes her value. She is first and foremost a virtuous woman and as such she is far more valuable than rubies. A virtuous woman is one who knows her own value, first to God and then to her family. She is a woman who knows the Lord Jesus as Savior and as the Lord of her life. She lives to please Him, to bring honor to Him in all she does, and to do His will above and before her own. She is honest, faithful, courageous, and devoted to her calling. She does things in the normal course of daily activities, that some may see as demeaning and subservient, however, she sees it as a labor of love to her Lord and to her husband and family.
Being a Wife is a Call From God
Being a Godly wife is not the result of some sociological mating game. It is the result of a right relationship with God. GETTING married may be the result of a mating game or ritual, but it requires more to actually BE a godly Christian wife or husband. In Old Testament times it was almost unheard of for any woman to spend her life unmarried. While it may have happened, such was not the norm. Of course, then they practiced arranged marriages. While not sounding romantic, they often produced sound, lifelong marriages. In New Testament times there is less emphasis placed on the Mosaic law regarding relationships, perhaps because of the Greek and Roman cultures influence upon the Jewish people and Christians alike. That doesn’t mean that arranged marriages did not take place, but rather that there were other foundation stones for getting married. I suspect that the marriage of Joseph of Nazareth and Mary was an arranged marriage. Since other means of getting married did occur throughout the Christian world, that encompassed many cultures, there is a greater emphasis on BEING married rather than GETTING married. There is a biblical standard for being a wife, that transcends all cultural aspects. Being a Godly Christian wife is unique to Biblical Christianity and cannot be honestly supplanted by any other set of rules or standards. The commonly observed characteristics of a Christian wife:
- Her godliness,
- Her submission,
- Her reverent spirit,
are all a part of God’s design for her. Probably, the characteristic most often spoken about is submission and that is because of the frequent conflicts that occur between spouses, due to misunderstanding God’s design for each.
God’s Design For a Wife
A husband is necessary for a woman to be a wife, but he is not the criteria that decides what kind of wife she may be. Her quality as a wife is totally dependent on her relationship with God. Her Lord is the one who has called her to be a wife and He is the one who has the authority to define and describe what she is to be or not to be. Neither the husband, nor wife have the authority or right to transcend the Word of God regarding being a husband or wife. Be very careful to avoid the insidious influence of culture, through novels, movies, music, or social mores, over your calling as a Godly woman. BE a woman of God!
Since God is the author and authority regarding Godly Christian wives, He says:
- “…Ye must be born again.” John 3:7 It goes without saying that this is a message to saved, born-again women.
- Being married is the best way to avoid fornication. 1 Corinthians 7:2.
- Do not leave your husband. 1 Corinthians 7:10 ** see notes.
- Recognize your husband’s headship. 1 Corinthians 11:3
- Be subject to your own husband. Ephesians 5:22,24; Colossians 3:18; 1 Peter 3:1
- Reverence your own husband. Ephesians 5:33
- Let your lifestyle reflect the Spirit of God in your spirit, manifesting a sweet spirit. By this, husbands and others may be won to Christ, even if they won’t hear the Word of God. What a power! 1 Peter 3:1-6
- Develop and utilize your potential and gifts in the framework of your home. You are the spirit and essence of your home. You, personally, are what makes your house a home.
In His design for a wife, the Lord has incorporated many virtues, values, and responsibilities into one package, that He is happy to take credit for. So much so, that He says “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord.” Proverbs 18:22. Ladies, never forget, and don’t let your husband forget, that you are a blessing from God, created in His likeness and designed specifically by Him. You are a treasure.
As a Godly Christian wife, you have the opportunity to help your husband be the best man he can be for God, in His work. What an opportunity! If so blessed, you have the opportunity to raise the next generation to be Godly men and women, fearing God and living for Him. This influence may even extend to grandchildren and perhaps great-grandchildren. What a powerful influence!
As you mature into an experienced and faithful wife, you have the opportunity and responsibility to train younger women and wives. Titus 2:3-5.
May I encourage you to value being a Godly Christian wife above any other vocation that is available to women. Do not settle for a good job or career when you may have God’s best as a Godly Christian wife. There is no higher calling for the woman of God. Be faithful, endeavoring to hear from our Lord, the welcome that says, “Well done, thou good and faithful servant…” Matthew 25:21.
** Notes.
When things don’t seem to be going well.
- Remember that marriage is a lifelong commitment. God wants your marriage to succeed, in His design. Be sure you are the woman/wife that our Lord designed you to be, and He will take care of the rest. 1 Corinthians 7:39, Romans 7:2
- If you are married to a believing Christian husband and there is a problem that seems insurmountable, God has made a provision as a last resort. You may leave him and live apart from him, but you are not to divorce him or marry another. Reconciliation with your husband is the goal. 1 Corinthians 7:10-11.
- If you are married to an unbelieving husband and he is pleased to have you as his wife, do not leave him because of his unbelief. Your presence sanctifies him and your children. If it becomes unbearable, follow the instructions in #2 above. 1 Corinthians 7:13-14; 1 Peter 3:1-6.
- If you are married to an unbelieving husband and he leaves you, abandons you, or divorces you, all against your will and best efforts, then let him go. You are not under bondage in these cases. You cannot make him remain or be a husband to you. You are free to remarry (after a reasonable time attempting reconciliation, in my opinion), BUT ONLY IN THE LORD. That is, only marry a Godly man that loves the Lord and to whom you will be a Godly Christian wife. 1 Corinthians 7: 15,39.