Several places in the New Testament Scriptures, God gives directions for the design and order of the marriage relationship between a man and a woman.  There is uniformity and consistency throughout the writings of the Apostles describing God’s instructions in marital relations.  The passage that is usually looked at first is Ephesians 5:22-33.  Please read the entire passage at the end of the article.

“Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.” Vs 24

“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;” vs 25

“Nevertheless, let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.” Vss 32,33

In all the New Testament Scriptures, the design portrays the leadership of the husband, and the submissive support role of the wife.  Ephesians 5:22 begins our text with the words, “wives, submit yourselves unto your husbands, as unto the Lord.” This specific verse is the primary source of conflict between Christian spouses.  Unfortunately, many believers of both genders erroneously assume that this command infers superiority and inferiority upon the spouses, based on their gender. In reality, there is unique diversity in the spousal roles, such as, one is leadership and one is support or one is protecting, providing, and presiding while the other is nurturing, supporting, and enhancing.  One is the head, and one is more the heart. While there is Divinely designed diversity, unique value, importance, and significance is given to both spouses in abundance.  God has designed marriage and family in such a way that the institution and the relationship cannot exist without both men, and women.

Usually, when the role of support and submission for a wife is proposed, a negative reaction is consistent from the majority of women.  However, when the women are Christians, there is an assumed amendment to the Scripture, and some take it further than others, but almost all Christian women will push the amendment to some degree.  The amendment is as follows, “I can be expected to support and submit to my husband in everything, EXCEPT when he wants me to do something that is sinful or illegal or immoral or harmful to me.”  I will submit to him except…  I have searched the scriptures from Genesis to the Revelation and I have yet to find where God inserted the Exception clause.  This amendment is very popular because it provides a work around the issue for women who do not (according to their nature) want to submit to the God given authority of their husband in marriage.  The reason for this, is that the amendment puts the power of deciding what is sinful, illegal, immoral, or harmful, solely, and explicitly in the hands of the woman!  By this amendment, she has undermined God’s authority, that He has invested in the husband, and undermined the entire Divine structure of marriage.  This is a non-negotiable and undeniable truth; therefore, I will not spend any more time and space on the issue.

Provision

However, I do recognize the concerns of the wives and other women, who have numerous examples of husbands who have demonstrated that some men are capable of making wrong decisions, illegal activities, sinful or immoral choices.  There are even some who have savagely harmed the very women that God charged them with protecting.  The purpose of this writing is to show an aspect of God’s design for marriage and particularly Godly marriage between Christians.  There is no possibility that I would suggest that  men are perfect, anymore than I would suggest that women are perfect.  I recognize human frailty and with that, the greater need of the Lordship of Jesus Christ in the lives of His people.  In His Lordship, our Savior has committed Himself to working in the lives of His redeemed, born-again people, both men and women.  He does so for His glory and for the good of His people. 

“being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:”  Philippians 1:6

“For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure.  Do all things without murmurings and disputings: that ye may be blameless and harmless, the sons of God, without rebuke, in the midst of a crooked and perverse nation, among whom ye shine as lights in the world;”   Philippians 2:13-15

Acknowledging that women have legitimate concerns, although the examples are rare, but real nonetheless, let us also acknowledge that God is greater than the conditions that cause those concerns.  It should be no surprise to those among us who know the Lord, that He would make provision for those women that find themselves in one or more of those troublesome situations where they may legitimately question the wisdom of submitting to their husband.  I want to make it clear at this point, usurping the husband’s authority is not one of those provisions.  Moving on, I want to present Biblical examples and precepts that demonstrate God’s provision for His daughters to exercise their conscience when they sincerely question the leadership of their husbands.   The validity of these choices is solely at the discretion of the troubled wife.  These wives will not be exempt from certain consequences of their choices, but neither should they be reprimanded for making them.  It is my belief that these wives should be supported in their choices by their Christian brethren and that the brethren should do so without taking sides in the spousal issues unless their counsel is mutually sought as mediators.  

The first example is 2 Kings 5:15-19, particularly verse 18.  EXCUSED

“In this thing the LORD pardon thy servant, that when my master goeth into the house of Rimmon to worship there, and he leaneth on my hand, and I bow myself in the house of Rimmon: when I bow down myself in the house of Rimmon, the LORD pardon thy servant in this thing.” 2 Kings 15:18

Please read the whole text at the end of the article. A pagan General has come to faith in the God of Israel and realizes that when he returns to his king, that king will expect him to go to worship the pagan god with him.  The General, Naaman is now conflicted because he has declared loyalty to the God of Israel.  Verse 18 is his request of the Prophet Elisha.  He is asking for permission to take Israeli dirt, to kneel upon in his private worship of the God of Heaven and Israel.  He is also asking for permission and absolution of guilt and responsibility when he goes to the pagan temple at the request of his king.   Elisha responded with “Go in peace”.  Here we see the conflict between authority and conscience resolved, by submitting to the authority without accepting the responsibility of violating his conscience, due to the fact that he doesn’t have the right to disobey his king.   Here one must determine the value or importance of the issue.  As someone once said, we have to determine if this is a hill worth dying on.   This principle is one option for a Christian wife and its use needs to be determined by her, as to whether it is appropriate to her situation.

The second example is in 1 Peter 3:1-6.   ENDURE

“Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.”  1 Peter 3:1-2

Please read the whole text at the end of the article.  Only the wife, in this situation, is able to determine how much and how long she may endure with that which seems to violate her conscience, with the goal of influencing her unsaved husband for Christ Jesus.  No one else can determine this.  She must seek the leading of the Holy Spirit in the matter.  If the issue is genuine physical safety, then we move to escape.

The third example is in 1 Corinthians 7:8-16.  Again, please read the whole text at the end of the article.   ESCAPE

“And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: but and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.”  1 Corinthians 7:10-11

“And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.  For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.  But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.  For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?”  1 Corinthians 7:13-16

The principle of Escape is different if the husband is a believer than when an unbeliever.  When her husband is a believer, she is not “unequally yoked”.  She is part of a sacred institution that is created by God.  That marriage is valued in the sight of God, even though, the husband is wrong in her eyes, or he is endangering her health, life, or those of their children.  God would have her separated and safe while He Himself works on their marriage at His discretion.  She is to remain unmarried while God does His work.  Restoration is the goal.  If the husband is not responsive, God will take care of the problem.  Just wait, and remember Nabal and Abigail.  1 Samuel 25.

When the husband is an unbeliever there is a two faceted concept.  Separation and abandonment are distinct but connected issues.  Our primary topic is the conscience and safety of a Christian wife and possible children.  Therefore, even with an unbelieving husband, enduring or escaping would involve remaining unmarried to another man as long as the husband is alive.  However, if the unbelieving husband rejects the Christian wife or if he abandons her (according to the principles of Exodus 21:7-11) then she is free to remarry, but only to a believing man, a Christian man, who is walking in the Spirit.  1 Corinthians 7:15, 39. These three, EXCUSED, ENDURE, and ESCAPE are principles to guide a sincere, honest Christian wife through the minefield of decisions, regarding the conflicts between conscience and safety versus submitting to authority in her marriage.  This is not a list of hard and fast rules.  Each situation should be examined in light of these principles and prayerfully considered before taking action.  It is my biblically based conviction that every woman deserves to have the security, safety, and comfort of a marital relationship with a godly man.  When things go awry, for whatever reason, God has made provision for her.

References

Ephesians 5:22-33

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.  Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.  Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.  So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.  For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: for we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.  For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.  This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.  Nevertheless, let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

2 Kings 5:15-19

And he returned to the man of God, he and all his company, and came, and stood before him: and he said, Behold, now I know that there is no God in all the earth, but in Israel: now therefore, I pray thee, take a blessing of thy servant.  But he said, As the LORD liveth, before whom I stand, I will receive none.  And he urged him to take it; but he refused.

And Naaman said, Shall there not then, I pray thee, be given to thy servant two mules’ burden of earth? for thy servant will henceforth offer neither burnt offering nor sacrifice unto other gods, but unto the LORD.  In this thing the LORD pardon thy servant, that when my master goeth into the house of Rimmon to worship there, and he leaneth on my hand, and I bow myself in the house of Rimmon: when I bow down myself in the house of Rimmon, the LORD pardon thy servant in this thing. And he said unto him, Go in peace.  So he departed from him a little way.

1 Peter 3:1-6

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.  Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.  For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.

1 Corinthians 7:8-16

I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn. And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: but and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.  But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.  And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.  For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.  For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?

Vs 39 The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord