Marital Conflict Resolved

On June 14, 2024, I asked a question on Facebook, expecting responses from ladies.  Many men also answered, but I am using the ladies’ responses in this presentation.  The original question will appear at the end of this article.

I am presenting the combined and organized responses of the ladies that were kind enough to participate in this exercise.  Ladies, I appreciate the transparency and sincerity of your responses.  It appears to me that the overarching issue is FEAR, with several sub-headings. Fear of the unknown possibilities. Fear of physical danger. Fear of a loss of identity. Fear of a loss of power. Fear of the loss of self-determination. All are included in the following concerns that were raised by the participating ladies.

  1. The apparent lack of good, true, Christian men.
  2. The incompetence of husbands to reliably function in their God given role as provider, protector, presider, and peacemaker.
  3. The additional burden placed upon wives as they compensate or suffer because of the husband’s failure to perform his duties.
  4. Being expected to submit to an incompetent man is degrading, a form of martyrdom, and comparative slavery for the wife and family.
  5. For a man to force or command his wife to be in submission to him is a form of spousal abuse.
  6. Submitting to a mere man is degrading, humiliating and leaves a woman feeling less than a man, with no voice, no power, and no sense of self-worth or value.

My response is divided into 3 points: A. Legitimacy, B. Cause, C.  Correcting the path.

A. LEGITIMACY

I endorse the concerns of these ladies; they represent a majority of the good women of America and a large part of the world.  It would indeed, be foolish blindness to deny that there are many issues that affect women and children because of the failure of men to stand in their place righteously, justly, and graciously.  I have personally witnessed the failure of good men to meet their potential and responsibility.  It is extremely difficult for good men (men who love the Lord, their wives and family, who are reliable and responsible) to faithfully lead their family, when our entire culture denies men the tools and motivation to do so.  This is primarily so because most men do not know what their God designed role is in marriage. Unfortunately, most men back down into a position of complacency that then places a much greater burden upon their wives.  I have personally paid an exorbitant price for standing on truth that is countercultural, rather than backing down into complacency.  Are there tyrannical, dictatorial, abusive men and husbands?  Yes, there are!  Are they representative of the majority of men and husbands?  No, they are not, but they do taint the image of men in general, so that all men are suspect in the eyes of women in our culture.

The cause is that we have been trying to build a marital building of God’s design by using the Devil’s blueprints.

John Whitten

B. CAUSE

Men and women suffer emotional, spiritual, and sometimes physical pain in marriage relationships.  That reality manifests itself in men and women playing the “blame game” rather than seeking the root cause of the problem.  Placing blame does nothing to correct the problem and nothing or no one will change as a result of blaming the other spouse.  Men and women, pay a tremendous price in pain and suffering when we allow the culture to dictate our behavior and role in our family, rather than following God’s design for marriage and family.  We must correct our course to have good results.  To do this we must identify the cause of the problem.  I know it is very difficult for women to understand a man’s nature and equally difficult for men to understand a woman’s nature.  It becomes even more difficult when we allow the continuingly changing, worldly culture to dictate and define what our natures and roles are.  I am writing this article for good men and women who desire to do right, to have a happy marriage and family, blessed by God.  Others, who do not have a righteous relationship with God, may benefit somewhat from this information, but a right relationship with God is the key to marital success and happiness.  Here is the cause of our problems, “We think we know what God designed our roles to be in marriage”, but in reality, we have been sold and served a lie.  The cause is that we have been trying to build a marital building of God’s design by using the Devil’s blueprints.  We have NOT thoroughly studied the scripture on the matter for ourselves, under the teaching ministry of The Holy Spirit of God.  We have been deceived by Satan to view our spouses and our roles through the lenses of the worldly point of view rather than God’s point of view, presented by Him in the Bible. 

C. CORRECTING THE PATH                                                                                                                                      

Jesus said, “And ye shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free.” John 8:32. God’s Word, God’s truth is the key to not only marital success, but also for every aspect of our Christian life.  To correct the path of our suffering marriages, it is essential that we are confronted with His truth.  This is found only in the Bible, not in commentaries on the Bible, not in the myriads of self-help books on marriage, not even in “Christian” media programs and also, not in my writing.  I encourage you to pray and search the Scripture for yourself.  I am presenting this information as an effort to help you and others to see that there is a need for a Biblical point of view rather than the traditional view that we have been erroneously taught as being Biblical and Christian.   What I bring to you is not what I would have chosen on my own.  I, like you, prefer to choose the path of least resistance.  However, God’s way is always best.  I’ve discovered that if you want Paula Deen’s peach cobbler, you must follow her recipe.  If you don’t, you may get a cobbler, but it won’t have her excellence.   Here’s the problem.  Women assume that wifely submission is a man’s idea and desire. 

Men assume that it is their responsibility to enforce a wife’s submission to him.  Both are completely wrong.  Wives are not to submit to their husbands because he demands it, but because God Himself said it is His will for them to be in submission to their own husbands and to hold them in reverence.  God’s instruction to wives is not determined by the husband’s performance or attitude.  God does not even require that the husband be a believer for his Christian wife to be in submission to him.  For a wife to be in genuine submission to her husband, she must first be in sincere submission to her Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  If she is not in submission to her husband, then she is also, not in submission to the Lord Jesus Christ.  There is no wiggle room in this conclusion.  In the same vein, a husband does not have the authority to demand or coerce his wife to be in submission to him.  It is God’s design and God’s authority, for God’s daughter.  If a good, Christian man is walking in obedience and submission to his Lord, Jesus Christ, he will not usurp God’s authority over God’s own daughter.  If such a husband has a wife who is not submissive to him, the problem is not between him and her, it is between Her and God.  Therefore, the husband’s proper response is to continue doing his duty regarding his God given purpose and to love her the way that Christ loves His churches.  God did not give husbands an excuse not to love her.  The love commanded by God transcends her behavior, her attitude, her physical appearance, as well as her spiritual status.  In truth, it is her spiritual status that is the sphere that a husband works in to overcome a rebelling, resisting wife.  Pray for her, demonstrate godliness to her, love her like Jesus does any of His erring children, and above all keep on in his God given calling.  Only the Holy Spirit can change an erring spouse; husband, or wife.  Efforts made in the energy of the flesh can only have short-term effectiveness and are doomed to long-term failure.   Wives and husbands who usurp the Lord’s authority in dealing with their spouse’s behavior are being disobedient to the Lord Jesus Christ.  It is a spiritual problem, and it requires a spiritual solution.

“Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.” 

Ephesians 5:33

“All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the man of God may be perfect, throughly furnished unto all good works.” 

2 Timothy 3:16,17

“Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.” 

1 Peter 3:1,2

Original question

“I’ve a serious question.  I know the Bible answer.  What I am seeking is the logic used by many Christian wives that are in this scenario.  No bullying Please.  I just want to understand the logic.  Why is it that so many Christian wives who are married to good men, claim to be walking in obedience to the Lord, but do not fully submit to their own husband when it is God Himself that instructs the wives submission to their own husbands in Ephesians 5?  If God says to do so, why not do it?

Being a Wife for God is a Wonderful Gift from God

The Proverbs 31 Woman

Proverbs 31:10-31 is often held up as the Biblical view of a godly or Christian wife.  Much is made of her industry, her relationship with her husband, and her family.  While all these traits are admirable and worthy of praise, I believe they are secondary to that which makes everything else possible and worthwhile. 

A Virtuous Woman

The most significant issue about being a Christian wife is not her relationship to her husband.  You may plug any good man into that relationship, and she may still shine as a bright example of God’s calling on her life.  That which is most significant is that trait with which she is introduced and that which establishes her value.  She is first and foremost a virtuous woman and as such she is far more valuable than rubies.  A virtuous woman is one who knows her own value, first to God and then to her family.  She is a woman who knows the Lord Jesus as Savior and as the Lord of her life.  She lives to please Him, to bring honor to Him in all she does, and to do His will above and before her own.  She is honest, faithful, courageous, and devoted to her calling.  She does things in the normal course of daily activities, that some may see as demeaning and subservient, however, she sees it as a labor of love to her Lord and to her husband and family.

Being a Wife is a Call From God

Being a Godly wife is not the result of some sociological mating game.  It is the result of a right relationship with God.  GETTING married may be the result of a mating game or ritual, but it requires more to actually BE a godly Christian wife or husband.  In Old Testament times it was almost unheard of for any woman to spend her life unmarried.  While it may have happened, such was not the norm.  Of course, then they practiced arranged marriages.  While not sounding romantic, they often produced sound, lifelong marriages.  In New Testament times there is less emphasis placed on the Mosaic law regarding relationships, perhaps because of the Greek and Roman cultures influence upon the Jewish people and Christians alike.  That doesn’t mean that arranged marriages did not take place, but rather that there were other foundation stones for getting married.  I suspect that the marriage of Joseph of Nazareth and Mary was an arranged marriage.  Since other means of getting married did occur throughout the Christian world, that encompassed many cultures, there is a greater emphasis on BEING married rather than GETTING married.  There is a biblical standard for being a wife, that transcends all cultural aspects.  Being a Godly Christian wife is unique to Biblical Christianity and cannot be honestly supplanted by any other set of rules or standards.  The commonly observed characteristics of a Christian wife:

  • Her godliness,
  • Her submission,
  • Her reverent spirit,

are all a part of God’s design for her.  Probably, the characteristic most often spoken about is submission and that is because of the frequent conflicts that occur between spouses, due to misunderstanding God’s design for each.

God’s Design For a Wife

A husband is necessary for a woman to be a wife, but he is not the criteria that decides what kind of wife she may be.  Her quality as a wife is totally dependent on her relationship with God.  Her Lord is the one who has called her to be a wife and He is the one who has the authority to define and describe what she is to be or not to be.  Neither the husband, nor wife have the authority or right to transcend the Word of God regarding being a husband or wife.  Be very careful to avoid the insidious influence of culture, through novels, movies, music, or social mores, over your calling as a Godly woman.  BE a woman of God!

Since God is the author and authority regarding Godly Christian wives, He says:

  • “…Ye must be born again.”  John 3:7 It goes without saying that this is a message to saved, born-again women.
  • Being married is the best way to avoid fornication.  1 Corinthians 7:2.
  • Do not leave your husband.  1 Corinthians 7:10 ** see notes.
  • Recognize your husband’s headship.  1 Corinthians 11:3
  • Be subject to your own husband.  Ephesians 5:22,24; Colossians 3:18; 1 Peter 3:1
  • Reverence your own husband.  Ephesians 5:33
  • Let your lifestyle reflect the Spirit of God in your spirit, manifesting a sweet spirit.  By this, husbands and others may be won to Christ, even if they won’t hear the Word of God.  What a power!  1 Peter 3:1-6
  • Develop and utilize your potential and gifts in the framework of your home. You are the spirit and essence of your home. You, personally, are what makes your house a home.

In His design for a wife, the Lord has incorporated many virtues, values, and responsibilities into one package, that He is happy to take credit for.  So much so, that He says “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord.” Proverbs 18:22.   Ladies, never forget, and don’t let your husband forget, that you are a blessing from God, created in His likeness and designed specifically by Him.  You are a treasure.

As a Godly Christian wife, you have the opportunity to help your husband be the best man he can be for God, in His work.  What an opportunity! If so blessed, you have the opportunity to raise the next generation to be Godly men and women, fearing God and living for Him.  This influence may even extend to grandchildren and perhaps great-grandchildren.  What a powerful influence!

As you mature into an experienced and faithful wife, you have the opportunity and responsibility to train younger women and wives.  Titus 2:3-5.

May I encourage you to value being a Godly Christian wife above any other vocation that is available to women.  Do not settle for a good job or career when you may have God’s best as a Godly Christian wife.  There is no higher calling for the woman of God.  Be faithful, endeavoring to hear from our Lord, the welcome that says, “Well done, thou good and faithful servant…”  Matthew 25:21.

** Notes.

 When things don’t seem to be going well.

  1. Remember that marriage is a lifelong commitment.  God wants your marriage to succeed, in His design.  Be sure you are the woman/wife that our Lord designed you to be, and He will take care of the rest.  1 Corinthians 7:39, Romans 7:2
  2. If you are married to a believing Christian husband and there is a problem that seems insurmountable, God has made a provision as a last resort.  You may leave him and live apart from him, but you are not to divorce him or marry another.  Reconciliation with your husband is the goal.  1 Corinthians 7:10-11.
  3. If you are married to an unbelieving husband and he is pleased to have you as his wife, do not leave him because of his unbelief.  Your presence sanctifies him and your children.  If it becomes unbearable, follow the instructions in #2 above.  1 Corinthians 7:13-14; 1 Peter 3:1-6.
  4. If you are married to an unbelieving husband and he leaves you, abandons you, or divorces you, all against your will and best efforts, then let him go.  You are not under bondage in these cases.  You cannot make him remain or be a husband to you.  You are free to remarry (after a reasonable time attempting reconciliation, in my opinion), BUT ONLY IN THE LORD.  That is, only marry a Godly man that loves the Lord and to whom you will be a Godly Christian wife.  1 Corinthians 7: 15,39.

Some of Gods Provision for Women in Difficult Situations

Several places in the New Testament Scriptures, God gives directions for the design and order of the marriage relationship between a man and a woman.  There is uniformity and consistency throughout the writings of the Apostles describing God’s instructions in marital relations.  The passage that is usually looked at first is Ephesians 5:22-33.  Please read the entire passage at the end of the article.

Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.” Vs 24

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;” vs 25

Nevertheless, let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.” Vss 32,33

In all the New Testament Scriptures, the design portrays the leadership of the husband, and the submissive support role of the wife.  Ephesians 5:22 begins our text with the words, “wives, submit yourselves unto your husbands, as unto the Lord.” This specific verse is the primary source of conflict between Christian spouses.  Unfortunately, many believers of both genders erroneously assume that this command infers superiority and inferiority upon the spouses, based on their gender. In reality, there is unique diversity in the spousal roles, such as, one is leadership and one is support or one is protecting, providing, and presiding while the other is nurturing, supporting, and enhancing.  One is the head, and one is more the heart. While there is Divinely designed diversity, unique value, importance, and significance is given to both spouses in abundance.  God has designed marriage and family in such a way that the institution and the relationship cannot exist without both men, and women.

Usually, when the role of support and submission for a wife is proposed, a negative reaction is consistent from the majority of women.  However, when the women are Christians, there is an assumed amendment to the Scripture, and some take it further than others, but almost all Christian women will push the amendment to some degree.  The amendment is as follows, “I can be expected to support and submit to my husband in everything, EXCEPT when he wants me to do something that is sinful or illegal or immoral or harmful to me.”  I will submit to him except…  I have searched the scriptures from Genesis to the Revelation and I have yet to find where God inserted the Exception clause.  This amendment is very popular because it provides a work around the issue for women who do not (according to their nature) want to submit to the God given authority of their husband in marriage.  The reason for this, is that the amendment puts the power of deciding what is sinful, illegal, immoral, or harmful, solely, and explicitly in the hands of the woman!  By this amendment, she has undermined God’s authority, that He has invested in the husband, and undermined the entire Divine structure of marriage.  This is a non-negotiable and undeniable truth; therefore, I will not spend any more time and space on the issue.

Provision

However, I do recognize the concerns of the wives and other women, who have numerous examples of husbands who have demonstrated that some men are capable of making wrong decisions, illegal activities, sinful or immoral choices.  There are even some who have savagely harmed the very women that God charged them with protecting.  The purpose of this writing is to show an aspect of God’s design for marriage and particularly Godly marriage between Christians.  There is no possibility that I would suggest that  men are perfect, anymore than I would suggest that women are perfect.  I recognize human frailty and with that, the greater need of the Lordship of Jesus Christ in the lives of His people.  In His Lordship, our Savior has committed Himself to working in the lives of His redeemed, born-again people, both men and women.  He does so for His glory and for the good of His people. 

being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:”  Philippians 1:6

For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure.  Do all things without murmurings and disputings: that ye may be blameless and harmless, the sons of God, without rebuke, in the midst of a crooked and perverse nation, among whom ye shine as lights in the world;”   Philippians 2:13-15

Acknowledging that women have legitimate concerns, although the examples are rare, but real nonetheless, let us also acknowledge that God is greater than the conditions that cause those concerns.  It should be no surprise to those among us who know the Lord, that He would make provision for those women that find themselves in one or more of those troublesome situations where they may legitimately question the wisdom of submitting to their husband.  I want to make it clear at this point, usurping the husband’s authority is not one of those provisions.  Moving on, I want to present Biblical examples and precepts that demonstrate God’s provision for His daughters to exercise their conscience when they sincerely question the leadership of their husbands.   The validity of these choices is solely at the discretion of the troubled wife.  These wives will not be exempt from certain consequences of their choices, but neither should they be reprimanded for making them.  It is my belief that these wives should be supported in their choices by their Christian brethren and that the brethren should do so without taking sides in the spousal issues unless their counsel is mutually sought as mediators.  

The first example is 2 Kings 5:15-19, particularly verse 18.  EXCUSED

In this thing the LORD pardon thy servant, that when my master goeth into the house of Rimmon to worship there, and he leaneth on my hand, and I bow myself in the house of Rimmon: when I bow down myself in the house of Rimmon, the LORD pardon thy servant in this thing.” 2 Kings 15:18

Please read the whole text at the end of the article. A pagan General has come to faith in the God of Israel and realizes that when he returns to his king, that king will expect him to go to worship the pagan god with him.  The General, Naaman is now conflicted because he has declared loyalty to the God of Israel.  Verse 18 is his request of the Prophet Elisha.  He is asking for permission to take Israeli dirt, to kneel upon in his private worship of the God of Heaven and Israel.  He is also asking for permission and absolution of guilt and responsibility when he goes to the pagan temple at the request of his king.   Elisha responded with “Go in peace”.  Here we see the conflict between authority and conscience resolved, by submitting to the authority without accepting the responsibility of violating his conscience, due to the fact that he doesn’t have the right to disobey his king.   Here one must determine the value or importance of the issue.  As someone once said, we have to determine if this is a hill worth dying on.   This principle is one option for a Christian wife and its use needs to be determined by her, as to whether it is appropriate to her situation.

The second example is in 1 Peter 3:1-6.   ENDURE

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.”  1 Peter 3:1-2

Please read the whole text at the end of the article.  Only the wife, in this situation, is able to determine how much and how long she may endure with that which seems to violate her conscience, with the goal of influencing her unsaved husband for Christ Jesus.  No one else can determine this.  She must seek the leading of the Holy Spirit in the matter.  If the issue is genuine physical safety, then we move to escape.

The third example is in 1 Corinthians 7:8-16.  Again, please read the whole text at the end of the article.   ESCAPE

And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: but and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.”  1 Corinthians 7:10-11

And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.  For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.  But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.  For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?”  1 Corinthians 7:13-16

The principle of Escape is different if the husband is a believer than when an unbeliever.  When her husband is a believer, she is not “unequally yoked”.  She is part of a sacred institution that is created by God.  That marriage is valued in the sight of God, even though, the husband is wrong in her eyes, or he is endangering her health, life, or those of their children.  God would have her separated and safe while He Himself works on their marriage at His discretion.  She is to remain unmarried while God does His work.  Restoration is the goal.  If the husband is not responsive, God will take care of the problem.  Just wait, and remember Nabal and Abigail.  1 Samuel 25.

When the husband is an unbeliever there is a two faceted concept.  Separation and abandonment are distinct but connected issues.  Our primary topic is the conscience and safety of a Christian wife and possible children.  Therefore, even with an unbelieving husband, enduring or escaping would involve remaining unmarried to another man as long as the husband is alive.  However, if the unbelieving husband rejects the Christian wife or if he abandons her (according to the principles of Exodus 21:7-11) then she is free to remarry, but only to a believing man, a Christian man, who is walking in the Spirit.  1 Corinthians 7:15, 39. These three, EXCUSED, ENDURE, and ESCAPE are principles to guide a sincere, honest Christian wife through the minefield of decisions, regarding the conflicts between conscience and safety versus submitting to authority in her marriage.  This is not a list of hard and fast rules.  Each situation should be examined in light of these principles and prayerfully considered before taking action.  It is my biblically based conviction that every woman deserves to have the security, safety, and comfort of a marital relationship with a godly man.  When things go awry, for whatever reason, God has made provision for her.

References

Ephesians 5:22-33

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.  Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.  Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.  So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.  For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: for we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.  For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.  This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.  Nevertheless, let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

2 Kings 5:15-19

And he returned to the man of God, he and all his company, and came, and stood before him: and he said, Behold, now I know that there is no God in all the earth, but in Israel: now therefore, I pray thee, take a blessing of thy servant.  But he said, As the LORD liveth, before whom I stand, I will receive none.  And he urged him to take it; but he refused.

And Naaman said, Shall there not then, I pray thee, be given to thy servant two mules’ burden of earth? for thy servant will henceforth offer neither burnt offering nor sacrifice unto other gods, but unto the LORD.  In this thing the LORD pardon thy servant, that when my master goeth into the house of Rimmon to worship there, and he leaneth on my hand, and I bow myself in the house of Rimmon: when I bow down myself in the house of Rimmon, the LORD pardon thy servant in this thing. And he said unto him, Go in peace.  So he departed from him a little way.

1 Peter 3:1-6

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.  Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.  For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.

1 Corinthians 7:8-16

I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn. And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: but and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.  But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.  And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.  For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.  For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?

Vs 39 The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord

Divine Design of Church

I Believe This… What most Christians have been taught about the Biblical term “Church” is not what the Bible teaches about the institution founded by Christ Jesus. I believe that a right understanding about Church is a foundational truth that will affect many other Biblical teachings. I hope to present in this article these points or truths regarding Church. 1. The distinction between “churches” and “The Church”.
2. Where I believe the error came from.
3. How the error impacts Biblical teaching and our walk with the Lord.

Please do not feel it necessary to correct me or educate me on the supposed error of my thinking or the supposed superiority of your point of view.  I will not be offering Scriptural references as support for my position, no one will read them and certainly no one would be impacted by them.  I am merely presenting my position so that I may share some of what I have learned in over fifty years of walking with the Lord through His Word. I hope that revealing the fruit of my journey may stimulate some folks to embark on their own journey of personal discovery in Christ.  I have not come to these conclusions lightly or easily.  First involved, was the process of taking an inquisitive look at what teaching I had absorbed in my youth from respected instructors and seeing if I could, independently, justify it from the Bible.  Second involved, was/is the process of filtering everything through the Bible and under the influence and ministry of The Holy Spirit.  I discovered that The Holy Spirit and the King James Bible are always in sync.  However, scholarship is always in flux and never seems to stay with one position for very long.  Thanks for reading.

  1. Church < > Churches Every place in the entire New Testament, the English word “church” is found, it is translated from the Greek word “ekklesia”. In the Bible, Ekklesia is specifically a gathering of citizens called out from their homes into some public place, an assembly. It is a compound word with ek = out of and klesia/kaleo = called. This word is used in the secular Greek and Roman world at the time of the New Testament, to indicate a civic or political assembly. Ekklesia is always and everywhere, a collection of people called to assemble for a purpose. In scripture it is used to identify the gatherings we call churches. These assemblies have a purpose; fellowship with, edification of, nurturing of, born-again baptized believers. These churches are each answerable to their common head, Christ Jesus. They are autonomous under Christ and have no external organizational hierarchy. They gather to pray, preach, praise God, and prepare themselves to carry out the great commission. Their only authority is the Word of God, The Bible. There are no other uses for the word ekklesia than assemblies. There is no other New Testament word to identify God’s churches and it never indicates a universal aggregate of believers. As brother Ken Griffith pointed out, the only other application of “church” than local churches is the “church of the first born, and even that has not yet assembled. It will have it’s first assembly after the rapture. Another phrase that pertains to churches is the body of Christ and it too has been misapplied. Each congregation of born-again, baptized believers that recognize Christ only as it’s head and His Word, the Bible, as it’s only rule of faith and practice is a New Testament Church. Each church is the body of Christ in that place. The only possible identity of all believers world wide is that of the “family of God”, in which we are brothers and sisters, but that does not equate to churches or “church”. The kingdom of God, the family of God, the church of God are each specifically different from each other and ought not be confused. Any religious assembly that has any authority over the congregation cannot be a Biblical church, because it has another head other than Christ Jesus. This leaves denominations without the identity of “church”.
  2. I believe the error regarding “The Church” came into being as a result of prophesied doctrinal corruption. The use of the term Catholic came into existence as it relates to Christianity some time around the adoption of Christianity by Roman Emperor Constantine, in the early 300’s. I do not limit my use of the word “Catholic” to Roman Catholicism only. I include each of the other “Catholic” or Orthodox entities and all their Protestant daughters also. There were at that time churches all over the Roman Empire and they had no relationship to civil government. There were churches in the middle east, Africa, Asia, Europe, including England that owed no loyalty to civil government. They practiced New Testament church polity, doctrine, and mission. There was no ecclesiastical hierarchy until some of the churches and their powerful leaders did exactly as the Apostle Paul warned about when he spoke to the elders of the church at Ephesus when he called them to meet him at Miletus, Acts 20:28-31. They were corrupted in doctrine and practice. They sought influence, power and prosperity by ingratiating themselves with Rome. The bishop of Rome utilized the idea of a “universal” (catholic) church to give himself a power/influence base that would be acceptable to the Emperor. There is no other head of any church other than the Lord Jesus Christ himself. There is no “vicar of Christ” other than The Holy Spirit. All the “church fathers” quoted in opposition to this idea are those who have been influenced by the catholic church and/or were leaders in it’s development. Those pastors and churches that refused to come under the influence and power of the church/state combination were persecuted by both arms of this combine.

3. The error of a universal or catholic church has negatively impacted Christianity in many ways. I’ll present a few here. A. It replaces the headship and authority of Christ over His churches with popes, prelates, councils, synods, and presbyteries. It enables denominations to control and alienate congregations from their legitimate head. B. Such a doctrine robs congregations of their motivation to fulfill the great commission. That commission belongs to churches, not mission boards or societies. It is fruitless to send money to another source to fulfill the responsibility of individual churches. C. Churches abdicate their responsibility to educate their own leaders by sending them to denominational colleges and seminaries. Each church has the responsibility of being the pillar and ground of the truth. D. Universal church teaching distorts God’s use of the husband/wife relationship to demonstrate the relationship of Christ and His churches. The reverse application is also distorted. E. Church discipline is minimized by universal doctrine. It is the work of each church. F. Real churches would be robbed of their God given power and authority if they answered to another authority than Chris Himself.

It is my conviction that until the last several decades, the only churches that answered to God’s design for His churches were independent Baptist Churches. However. it is important for me to say that having the Baptist name does NOT make a church a Biblical church. Many (not all) that use the name Baptist today are not historical Baptists. They are Protestants using the Baptist name. This is so common, that I can no longer have confidence in a church because of it’s name. I know that I can receive correction from some of my Baptist brethren over my position, but that’s okay, I love them and answer to Christ cheerfully. I believe that a Biblical church can be identified by the following points, regardless of the name on the door.

  • It has no affiliation historically or currently with any Catholic or Protestant ecclesiastical body. Organizations that have had a change of doctrine that is now Biblical may disband and reorganize under Biblical doctrine and principles, severing their identity with the previous group.
  • It has no organizational affiliation out side the local congregation. In this Christ is its only head.
  • Receives only born-again believers into membership upon scriptural baptism.
  • Biblical churches have two ordinances and no sacraments. They are baptism and the Lord’s Supper . Only professing believers are subject to baptism. No babies are baptized. Baptism is by immersion only, demonstrating our associating with Christ in His death, burial, and resurrection. Baptism is not required for salvation, but because of it.
  • Biblical churches hold to the doctrine of Christ as the son of God and God the Son, pre-existent with the Father and the Holy Spirit.
  • Salvation is a gift of God, freely offered to everyone who will receive Christ Jesus by faith. Salvation is eternal for every genuinely born-again soul.

God Preserves His Word

I believe this… The King James Bible (not the King James Version) is God’s preserved presentation of His inspired Word in the English language.  I know there have been updates of the vernacular in it over the centuries, but nothing has been changed about the KJB from the texts used in its original translation.  I call it the King James BIBLE and not the King James VERSION, because VERSION indicates possible equality among many versions.  I believe there is no English comparison or equality between the KJB and any other book purporting to be God’s Word.

Please do not feel it necessary to correct me or educate me on the supposed error of my thinking or the supposed superiority of your point of view.  I will not be offering Scriptural references as support for my position, no one will read them and certainly no one would be impacted by them.  I am merely presenting my position so that I may share some of what I have learned in over fifty years of walking with the Lord through His Word. I hope that revealing the fruit of my journey may stimulate some folks to embark on their own journey of personal discovery in Christ.  I have not come to these conclusions lightly or easily.  First involved, was the process of taking an inquisitive look at what teaching I had absorbed in my youth from respected instructors and seeing if I could, independently, justify it from the Bible.  Second involved, was/is the process of filtering everything through the Bible and under the influence and ministry of The Holy Spirit.  I discovered that The Holy Spirit and the King James Bible are always in sync.  However, scholarship is always in flux and never seems to stay with one position for very long.  Thanks for reading.

When reading the KJB, there are, I admit, frequent occasions where I am not understanding what I am reading.  However, I do not assume that there is a problem with the translation, but rather with my understanding.  Let me share two anecdotes from my life experience that were used to bring me to my position.  1.  I became a Christian two days after my 17th birthday in 1964.  Two years later, in my first year of Bible college I was sitting in class with a red, Collins, Youth For Christ edition of a KJB.  For whatever reason, I was overwhelmed with a sudden, emotional, love for the Word of God.  I can’t explain it, except to say that it was a God thing.  I held my Bible between my hands and bowed and kissed its compressed pages.  I vowed to God at that time, that whether I understood what I was reading or not, that I would believe everything that He has put in His book.  I had not yet been exposed to the claims of “scholarship”, where every man’s opinion is supreme and corrective of The Holy Spirit’s inspiration.  However, when exposed to the claims of “scholarship”, I have been reminded of that love and the corresponding vow and hurry to the feet of The Author of The Book for clarification and understanding.  Number two demonstrates how I learned to do that.  2.  In 1971 I was pastor of a church in Culbertson, Nebraska.  In my personal study through 1 Corinthians, I was enjoying the rich fruit of God’s Word until one day as I read, it seemed that I could proceed no further with clarity and understanding.  It was like someone had poured a handful of silt into a clear glass of water.  I could not see through the muddy water.  The experience may also be likened to a bright moonlit night, when a heavy cloud passes in front of the moon and severely diminishes the night’s light.  My first response was to read the text over, repeatedly, but no improved result.  Then I went to my bookshelves and brought two translations and three commentaries to my desk and began to investigate what learned men had discovered and passed on to neophytes like me.  Can you believe it?  Not one of the five reference books, all from respected scholars, agreed with another in the collection, not one.  As I pondered the confusion, I was reminded of Jesus’ promise, when He said that The Holy Spirit would teach us everything that Jesus said and taught.  I was also reminded of my love for the Bible and my vow to believe it.  So, I put my collection back on the shelves, took my Bible and put it on my chair (open to the page of blockage), got on my knees and prayed.  I reminded my Lord of His promise to teach me His Word.  I thanked Him in advance for His ministry, got up and placed my Bible on the desk, sat and began to read at the beginning of the offending chapter.  Truly, when I came to the place of the obscurity, the muddy water cleared and the moon shone brighter than ever and The Holy Spirit gave me understanding of what I was reading.  In the passing of fifty years I have not consulted “scholarship” more than ten times and then, only when my walk with The Lord was slacked for a bit.  I testify that attending upon The Author of Scripture is superior to consulting human “scholarship” at any level or source.  He has never failed to give me understanding when I wait upon Him and compare Scripture with Scripture.

Revering Makes Submitting Successful

“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.  Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.  Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.  So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.  For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: for we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.  For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.  This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.  Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.” Ephesians 5:22-33

Recently the thought of how difficult it must be for a wife to submit herself to her husband paraded through my mind, closely followed by the accompanying question of, “would it be easier to submit to her husband if she revered him first”?  I wrote myself a note to read Ephesians 5 when I got home.  Little reminders are very helpful.  However, as I read the scripture passage above, I noticed that the idea of submission and reverencing are not closely linked.  Yet, it seemed that it would be far easier to submit to someone respected, revered and trusted than to merely submit out of obligation or duty.  As I have recently read, again, respect and trust must be earned and are not a right.  Still God instructed the Apostle to write, “revere”, not respect or trust.  Is there a difference?  I believe there is.  Revere comes from the Greek word “phobeo”, and is used in the same sense as fearing the Lord.  It is a response to the person of God or the husband in this case.  We are not being taught to be terrified of God or husbands, but to hold them in the highest esteem and be afraid to displease them.  Not as terror but as disappointment.  Respect and trust are based upon performance, but reverence is based upon the person. 

In the United States, women generally marry a man of their choice, not by parental arrangement.  I wonder if a woman married a man that she chose to marry, did she do so because she felt that he was raw material that she could shape into a “real man”, or did she marry a man she adored and loved?  If she married with the expectation of shaping him, she played the fool and has no complaint if her marriage isn’t all she desires.  If she married because she loved and respected her husband, when did he become unworthy of the commanded reverence?  He may have not lived up to her expectations or his promises that they both had in their youth.  Did he betray her hopes or perhaps her trust?  He may have; factually couples start life with very unrealistic expectations.  Some expectations or dreams, no one can fulfill, he or she. 

In this passage God instructs husbands and wives in the business of marriage.  He (God) has the right to do so, by virtue of His office as Creator and Redeemer.  If we desire a blessed marriage, then we had better follow the instructions.  If we don’t follow the instructions, then we should just shut up and bear it quietly, when our way fails us.  In His instructions husbands are told to love their wives, with no allowance given as to whether they are loveable or not.  Do the letters PMS mean anything to us?  Men we are not given a pass for those days when our wives are feeling miserable and cranky.  It’s not their fault and God expects us to act like Him and love our own beloved when they aren’t acting lovely.

Our Lord also instructs wives to submit to their own husbands, without qualifying the man’s worthiness of that submission.  A pastor in Nigeria, Adeolu Olusodo, said something like this, if a wife submits when she is in agreement with her husband, it really isn’t submission.  If she submits when she disagrees or doesn’t understand, then it really is submission; sorry I couldn’t find the complete quote.  God also tells wives to reverence their husband, this is compatible with submission, but it is a higher degree of compliance or co-operation.  Can we expect a wife to submit to and reverence her husband if she is smarter and more able than he?  Can we expect her to yield to him if she is convinced that he is wrong?  The answer to these questions is, YES.  Not because she has no choice, but because God has commanded it and she has the choice to obey God and reverence Him.  I am suspecting that most wives that do not respect, trust and revere their husbands fail to do so because of their lack of reverence for God.  Truly, love and reverence for God is our highest motivation for our obeying His Word.  If we revere God we will do as He says regardless of the qualifications of the husbands.  In the same vein, if we men will revere God and obey Him, we will love our wives at all times, regardless of appearance, age or disposition. 

Loving God makes submitting to and revering husbands much easier.  Loving God makes loving and honoring wives a delightful experience.  It’s time for us, men and women, to stop complaining about our spouses and correct the matter, by correcting ourselves, beginning with our genuine love for God and His Word.  When we love Him, loving others is easy, because He loves through us.

Marriage God’s Way

MARRIAGE GOD’S WAY – SURPRISE

Having just entered the 72nd year of my journey through this life, I have much less concern about the effect of the opinions of others on my life. Because that is so, I approach this topic with bold carelessness.

INTRODUCTION

It is my conclusion, after nearly fifty years in pastoral ministry, in seven churches, in six states in the USA that the most common contribution to marital problems among Christians is, a failure of most wives to reverence their husbands. We are all probably familiar with the famous passage of Ephesians 5:22-33, that carefully spells out the responsibility of both husbands and wives. I will particularly focus on verse 33, because it is the sum of the whole passage. “Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.” It is the conclusion of my observations and investigation that most wives do NOT reverence their husbands, for one cannot be critical and reverent at the same time.

ADVISORY

Please note that I am using comparative terms such as “some”, “most”, “many”. I am not using words like “all”, “every”, or “each”. While I sincerely believe my conclusions are accurate and reflect on the great majority of Christian marriages, I certainly realize the foolishness of painting every husband or wife with the same broad paintbrush. Of course there are exceptions. Thankfully, there are men and women who recognize the truth of the Biblical description of marriage and have or are implementing these principles to the best of their ability. I am happy to have personally known some of them. Therefore, please do not assail me with how this or that exception should be considered. If I dealt with every possible exception, this article would be well beyond the reading tolerance of most readers. I may be pushing the limit as it is.

DESIGN

God designed marriage with structure that replicates His relationship with His creation. We are created in His image and likeness, Genesis 1-2. Just as the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit have unique and complimentary roles, so do husbands and wives. In His design, husbands are the head of the wife, wives are in a role of submission to his headship. These roles were not designed to function on the basis of feeling, but rather on the basis of organizational structure. Each person in their place doing their job, and fulfilling their responsibility. 1 Corinthians 11:3 “But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.” This passage clearly lays out the design structure for marriage, a structure that is repeated other places by precept and example throughout the Bible. The husband is the head of the wife, BUT Christ is the head of the man. This is the organizational structure, but we must always remember, both husbands and wives have a head. No one is a law unto themselves. A ceremony and a certificate do not constitute godly marriage. If they did, the marriage would last as long as the paper. Today there are far too many divorces and failed marriages because there is a focus on the ceremony and certificate, when really it should be about commitment. What makes a godly Christian marriage is a commitment to God, to fulfilling the designated designed roles and functioning in the spirit of God’s purpose. Quitting is not an option.

FUNCTION

God has designed marriage to function under authority, but not on the basis of law, force, or legalism. 1 John 4:8 tells us that God is love and in replication of our Lord’s relationship to His creation, marriage is to function in the environment of love. Love for God and love for spouses is to be the rule rather than the exception. Anytime we endeavor to make a marriage work out of fear or force or even grudgingly we have missed the functionality of God’s design. Wives: almost every time the role of each spouse is mentioned in the New Testament the role of the wife is mentioned first, just as it is in Ephesians 5. I believe this is done because of the importance of the wife’s role in marriage and family. Someone once said that the husband may be the head, but the wife is the neck that turns it. I would rather say that she is the neck that supports the head, giving it mobility to do it’s work. That is more in keeping with the function of a wife. In Genesis 2:18 “And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” According to God’s Word, a wife is to be a help to her husband, one that is meet for him, that is one that is comparable to him. She is not inferior to the man or she would not be meet for him, nor would she be much of a help to him. She is also not superior to him for the same reasons. The beloved wife, bone of his bones and flesh of his flesh is meet for him, BUT her role is subject to her husband’s authority and leadership (headship), even though in her person she is his equal and his compliment. For a dear wife to subvert her husbands headship is tantamount to subverting God, for He designed the roles. Her role is one of aid, support, comfort, encouragement, companionship, and so much more great value that only a dear woman of God may supply. She is to aid him in his God given task or call, without having an alternative task of her own that may retard her aid to her husband. She is to aid him in the great work of producing children and populating the Earth. In this task, she has the most significant role and the greatest influence on the next generation.

Husbands: are called upon by God to function in His design by portraying Christ in his marriage. This is not an ego boosting position, but rather one of fear and caution, for it is the greatest responsibility that a man may endeavor to fulfill. While it may seem out of place, a husband’s first order of responsibility is not to his wife, but to his Head, Christ. Modern marriage counselors may focus on the husband/wife relationship, but they would be missing the very foundation on which marriage was established. In Genesis 2, God gave man a job, then He created his wife to help him. A wife cannot be a help if her husband does not have his job from God. So, I maintain that a husband’s first responsibility is to be about the work that God has given him to do. Along with what ever task that may be, he also has the responsibility of providing for, protecting his wife and family, and leading them in a godly lifestyle of service to the Lord. This is a large order and will require a man’s complete dedication to God and family. There is no such position as part-time husband and servant of God. A husband’s second level of commitment after God is to his wife. She is to come before children, parents, friends, employers, and personal recreational pursuits. She is to be most important to him, next to their Lord, whom they both serve. In the marital relationship the husband bears the responsibility of leadership and authority. He is the one to answer the door when trouble calls and he is the one who answers for the decisions he makes. God holds the husband responsible for his wife and family.

SPIRIT

A marriage, like a fine Swiss watch, is a wonderful thing to behold when all the parts are in place and working as designed. However, when one or both are not functioning according to God’s design the beauty is marred and peace is lost. God designed marriage to be the closest thing to Heaven on Earth, but when the function is marred by an out of kilter spirit it can be closer to Hell than Heaven. Most Christian marriages today are vacillating somewhere between the two extremes, usually bouncing around, just out of the Hell category.

Romance: has actually done more to damage Christian marriage than it has ever helped. Romance is about a man and woman’s love for each other. While love for each other is involved in Christian marriage it is not the foundation. The foundation for Christian marriage is love for God. When Christians are married and love God, they will do marriage God’s way. Unfortunately, most Christians do not know what that is. I have dealt with some of it in the design and function segments, but without the spirit of God’s design, even Christian marriages can be a hollow shell of misery and hopelessness. Romance is ooey, gooey sentimentality whereas the love that God has for the marriage relationship is based on Him and not the spouses. Love for each other results from the marriage being based on love for God, not the cause of it.

Reality: is that romance is a poor foundation for marriage. Doing the will of God is the best foundation for everything and particularly marriage. To operate within God’s design for marriage and to effectively function, it is necessary to understand the spirit which we must embrace for His purpose. The Ephesian passage listed in the introduction is most commonly used to identify marital roles. I have put the text of the passage at the end of this article. Emphasis is usually given to wives submitting to husbands and husbands loving wives as Christ loved His church and gave Himself for it. Some translations, unfortunately add the word “up” to the last phrase, saying, as Christ loved His church and gave Himself up for it. As a result many modern teachers and preachers declare that a husband is to be willing to give his life for his wife and in lieu of physically dieing, he should sacrifice anything to make her happy. I have heard many recorded speakers at Promise Keepers meetings present that precise message. Jesus did not die for churches, He died for sinners. When He gave Himself for His churches, He gave Himself to be the head of each, He took upon Himself the responsibility of a husband to a bride. Bluntly put, a dead husband is of no value to anyone. The modern concept of a husband dieing to self for his wife is the stuff of romance, not the reality of Christian marriage. Husbands, if they are to fulfill God’s design must always put God first, then function as a husband. To follow the romance format is to put the wife ahead of the will and glory of God. It effectively makes the wife an idol to be adored and worshiped.

Modern feminism has as it’s goal to radically change God’s design for marriage, to the extent that most leaders want to do away with marriage and family altogether. One of their most effect efforts is to convince men and women that women are to be exalted to such a position of power and authority that they would be adored and worshiped as the superior gender. Some radical feminist leaders have claimed that men be reduced to only 10% of the human population. Romance is very supportive of the feminist concept of female superiority. But, did you notice that such is in direct contrast to God’s design for marriage? God designed husbands to be the head and wives to be their aides. Feminism and romance has invaded Christian thought and institutions to the degree that Christian marriage is no longer taught in most churches and Christian colleges and universities. Married people are being taught that wives only need to submit to their husbands as long as they are being good husbands and doing right. Oddly, the wives are the ones who are (supposedly) entitled to decide if their husbands are worthy of their allegiance. And, if they are not, they may legitimately divorce them for a variety of reasons. Concurrently, husbands are finding it easier and easier to not love their wives because the dear ladies are crass and not lovable. Romance fails because it is based on emotion and infatuation that, at best, is unstable as water. Reality based on love for God has wives saying, I will submit to my husbands headship because that is what my Lord Jesus said to do. As well husbands will say I will love my wife because that is what my Lord Jesus said to do. In Ephesians 5 we are instructed fulfill our designed role, not based on circumstances or on the performance of the spouse, but because that is what the Lord taught us to do. We fulfill the spirit of our role regardless of whether our spouse does or not. We don’t love someone because of their qualities, but because of the spiritual quality of our own heart. We love because God has put His love in us. As our Lord loved us when we were yet sinners, so we love our spouse from our reserve not because of their qualities. Husbands love your wives, even when the may be unlovely. Do not make her perform to your specifications to deserve your love. Your love is God’s gift to her, so do it. Love her.

Wives: do not chafe at the idea of submitting to your husband. And above all to not make his performance a condition of your submission. To do so is idolatry. You will be putting yourself in the position of being his head. He will answer to Christ, not to you. Do you, dear lady, want to usurp the authority of Christ? Please, leave the romantic notion that you are to be adored. I know that it is desirable to be wanted and adored. Such is the stuff of romance and is the fanciful delight that has the world watching the royal weddings in England. But it is not of God. Submit your self unto your own husband, not to any other man, but to your husband. Do so because the Lord said so. If you do so grudgingly, you may have done your duty, but only that. You will have missed the whole spirit of God’s design. Your submission to your husband is a reflection of the role of Christ’s churches in relation to Him. You cannot stand in judgement of your husband and be in the spirit of God’s design for marriage. To do so suggests that it is legitimate for churches to stand in Judgement of Christ. Rather, enter into the spirit of serving God as your husband’s wife by treating him as churches are to treat Christ. As said in verse 33, reverence your husband. It is impossible to criticize, judge, reprimand, or resist your husband and reverence him at the same time. But what if he is wrong? Deciding that and dealing with him about it is the responsibility of his head, the one he is called to be in submission to, Christ Jesus. Do you have a legitimate problem with your husband or concern about him being or doing right? You may well have those concerns, but do not usurp the authority of Christ. One of a wife’s responsibilities and ministries is to support her husband with prayer and a godly spirit. Bathe him in prayer, incorporate the power of God in your marital concerns. A godly wife has power with God to influence her husband for God in many areas, 1 Peter 3:1.

CONCLUSION:

Most husbands love their wives to the point of adoration. They do partly because they have been trained to do so by centuries of romantic influence and partly because God has put His love in men’s hearts for the loveliest part of His creation, women. While most men may not display that love very well, it is a reality. Women thrive on being loved and even more so on words and displays of love. Love is so important to women, they think it must also be equally important to men. That would be a mistake. In the introduction, I said that most wives do not reverence their husbands and that is correct. However, wives are very involved in loving their husbands, particularly when the men are giving them words and displays of love. Wives don’t understand why that is not as important to their men as it is to them. Here’s why, men and women are different in many ways. Husbands are to replicate Christ in the family. Does Christ want us to love Him? Yes, but before we can love Him we must first reverence Him. Hebrews 11:6 says, “But without faith it is impossible to please Him…”. He wants and requires that we believe Him if we are to please Him. Husbands desire to be believed, trusted, and reverenced by their wives much more than being loved by their wives. A godly husband will bust a gut trying to live up to the reverence of his godly wife. Wives, it is wonderful that you love your husband, but if you want to enhance your marriage and increase the sense of love you receive from your husband, reverence him and gladly submit yourself to him, not because he is worthy, but because Christ is and He requires it of you. Do this and you will see your marriage blossom and your husband will become a better man because of it. Criticism and reverence are mutually exclusive, one cannot do both with the same person.

Ephesians 5:22-33Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: for we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

Initial patriarchy

Patriarchy is initially revealed in the first three chapters of Genesis and reaffirmed in    I Corinthians 11:3. It is also taught in many other places in the Bible, both Old and New Testaments.  It is demonstrated in the lives of godly men and women throughout the Bible.  Some non-Jewish men in both Old and New Testament scriptures also demonstrated patriarchy, indicating that it is a teaching from creation that was a foundational building block of all human society.   As a young Christian, husband and father, I thought I knew what patriarchy was.  I was wrong, I had a very limited understanding of God’s design for men and women in the family.  It has been a long, lonely and painful road on the journey of knowing and understanding my Lord’s truth and will for His people.

I will endeavor to explain my learning and experience:

1. God designed the family to reflect Himself and His relationship with His creation, along with other more concise purposes as procreation and education.  The family is to display the Lordship of Christ and the order of His creative mind and heart.

2. In this structural order we find that Christ is the head of the man, the man is the head of the woman and God is the head of Christ (I Corinthians 11:3).

3. In Genesis 1-3, we see proclaimed and demonstrated our Lord’s purpose for His creation.  This is before the Law was given to Israel through Moses.  Man and woman were created in His image and given two basic commands of purpose.  They were a) to multiply and replenish the Earth (reproduce) and b) exercise dominion over God’s creation (as the small g gods of the world).  They were also to dress or care for the Garden of Eden.

4. Prior to sin entering the world, God’s order was already established.  After the sin of Adam, the structure of God’s order was not changed, but clarified with the effects of the result of sin.  Though sin marred God’s creation, it did not change the structure and order of His creation, but there were consequences that affect human relationships to this day.  Just as the Earth, being under the curse because of Adam’s sin, is still functioning with all of what we call the laws of nature, i.e. gravity, sea level, seasons, etc., so family structure and order remain unchanged in God’s design.

5. The first effort to distort God’s structure and order and therefore distort the image of His relationship with His creation, took place in the Garden of Eden.  Satan, the master deceiver, set out to destroy the authority of God, who expelled him from Heaven and consigned him to a future eternity in the lake of fire (Hell).  Satan did not approach God’s designated head of the first human family, but to undermine God’s authority, he undermined the authority of the replica god, Adam.  He did this by bypassing the head and approached the subordinate, Eve.  Eve received the command to not eat of the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil from her head, Adam.  Adam received the command from God before Eve was created.  Eve was deceived by Satan into rejecting her husband’s voice of authority to listening to and taking the word of another (Satan) who suggested that she was being lied to by Adam.  Eve responded to Satan’s deceptive suggestion that what she had been told was a lie by turning to her own observation and evaluation.  She saw that it was good for food, pleasant to the eyes and desired to make one wise, she ate it and NOTHING HAPPENED!  I believe that Adam saw her eat it with no consequence and he was easily tempted when she said, “here Honey, taste this”.  When Adam ate the fruit, there was an immediate consequence to both of them.  They knew they were naked, their innocence was gone and they immediately tried to compensate by making clothes of fig leaves, the first effort of self-righteousness.  The difference between Eve eating and Adam eating was that she supplanted her husband’s authority with another and Adam listened to his wife instead of God.  God had put Adam in charge, so the sin is hereafter known throughout the Bible as the sin of Adam.  This is the first application of what we know today as militant feminism, supplanting the authority of husbands with the authority of wives.

6. I turned 13 years old in 1960.  The sixties and therefore my teenage years were tumultuous.  I witnessed the major social upheaval.  “Question everything” was the cry of the decade and everything was subject to revaluation in the light of modern thought and philosophy.  Foundations were shaken and the tremors are still being felt today.  The most severe shaking was in the realm of feminism, a sociological revolt against Biblical standards of male and female identity, the same conflict that Eve faced in the Garden.  Men and women were caught up in the cry for “equality of the sexes”.  Unfortunately, it went far beyond the initial effort to provide equal opportunity for both genders and equal pay for equal work, to total destruction of the blessedness of womanhood, of wife and motherhood, of homemaker and builders of the next generation.  The God designed distinctions between the genders has been rapidly deteriorating in the world.  Tragically, Christians and churches were being affected by the philosophies of feminism, after all, “equality” is a good thing, isn’t it?  Men who had been raised to honor, respect and protect women were easy prey for the bra burning feminists because, like Adam, they chose to listen to the voice of the age of enlightenment rather than the Word of God and didn’t want to disrespect women.  Therefore, they abdicated their role of leadership and headship in their homes and churches.  The rapid increase in cases of homosexuality of both genders arose out of this malaise.  From that, came what we have today in the LGBTQ+ communities, the evidence of the confusion of God’s designed order and structure.

7. As a result of men abdicating their God designed role of headship in their homes and churches, our culture has been deteriorating and will continue to do so.  We now have a divorce rate among those who profess to be Christians that compares equally to that of the lost world around us.  Consequently, there is a breakdown of family structure and order, where God is no longer being portrayed as the Lord and head of His creation.  We are in a worse condition than the nation of Israel during the days of the Judges, when, “because there was no king in Israel: every man did that which was right in his own eyes.” Judges 21:25 Where structure and order are denied, chaos rules.  There will always be the conflict of, who is right, who is in charge, who is responsible, the husband or the wife?  Peacemakers in our day are trying to save the day by initiating a new structure, where both are right, both are in charge and both are responsible.  Unfortunately for them, we cannot improve on God’s design.  The appropriate solution is for men and women to gladly conform to God’s design for their individual role.  God specifically uses the word “head” when putting forth His order and structure in the family; He invests that headship in the husband and saddles him with the responsibility that goes with the task.  “Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.” Genesis 3:16   A consequence for Eve’s heeding Satan’s accusatory lie is, her husband is not only still the federal head of humanity and their family, but now she will have to deal with her desire to be the head while her husband remains the head, ruling over her. No living being can function normally with two heads.  One preacher said, “anything with two heads is a monster”.

8. As a result of the feminizing of our culture, our churches have been gravely affected by the spirit of the age.  Most of them have lost the cognizance of God’s design for His creation and accepted the feminized view of men and women, thereby affecting the Christian view of the Lordship of our Creator and Redeemer.  Men no longer know what it means to be a godly man.  Women no longer know what it means to be a godly woman.  Our churches and families are now virtually powerless because of this confusion of how God reflects Himself in His creation.

9. Near the end of the Apostolic era, many heretical doctrines arose, as the Apostles prophesied.  One of the heresies that had a lasting effect had to do with the concept that the body is evil and the soul is good.  This is called “asceticism” and mainly came out of the Catholic church that was at Alexandria, Egypt.  Perhaps the most notable ascetic was Augustine of Hippo, he took his views to Rome and influenced the Catholics at Rome. At various times in the history of the Catholic Church this played out in forbidding marriage, not only for priests and nuns, but for all people.  At other times spouses were only allowed to have sexual relations for the purpose of producing babies, no other reason or time.  These practices did not last long each time they were instigated.  Human sexuality has been considered the worst of sins and to the other extreme, nothing more than animalistic lust.  God has another view and since it is His, it is the right view, one which we would do well to embrace.

10. God created man and woman as uniquely designed genders.  Our sexuality is not an afterthought in the mind of God.  Our gender is actually one of the foundational blocks of our identity.  “So God created man in His own image, in the image of God created him; male and female created He them.”  Genesis 1:27. This is God’s word.  Our world has been manipulated by Satan to believe that men and women are the same, that we are equal in every aspect of our being and that the only differences are our genitals and that our gender differences are hindrances to human progress and growth.  Yet, God declares that He made us with unique and distinctive differences, specifically designed for the purposes we are created to fulfill.  When we allow gender denial or confusion, we contribute to the emotional, physical and above all spiritual, confusion of life.  What passes for godly manhood and womanhood today is a pale shadow of God’s design; remember we were created in His image, by His design and for His purposes.  Our sexual design does contribute a major part of who we are, something the world has been trying to deny, with great success in recent decades.  Let’s not be afraid to embrace a Biblical view, God’s view, of our sexuality and how it impacts who we are and what our Lord has designed us for, our identity and purpose.

11. A godly woman is the epitome of God’s handiwork, the peak of His creative work.  Adam was complete and therefore did not need Eve to complete him. Eve was not a correction of the Lord’s work with Adam, she was not an afterthought.  She is exactly what and who God created her to be.  She is man once refined, but she is not a man, she is a woman, the last and finest act of God’s six-day creation extravaganza.  She is the epitome of the Creator’s masterpiece.  Let us depart from the worldly view of woman, the view inspired by and propagated by Satan.  Let us shun the idea that a woman should be anything less or more than what and who God created her to be, for one cannot improve on perfection.  God created her to be Adam’s helper, companion, friend, lover and mother to his children.  The Lord equipped her with a particular nature and skills to accomplish the great tasks she was created for.  He did not design her to carry the heavy load of leadership and headship with its associated burdens and pains.  That’s not to say that she cannot function in leadership positions, but that such is not her design and function, where she will shine the brightest.  Eve and all her daughters are defined by their sexuality; their biology portrays a major description of their purpose.  In God’s design for sexual interaction, the woman is the receptor, the vessel that receives the man and his seed.  She is the receiver that holds and gives life, nurtures and embraces that good gift of God.  Her activities are not aggressive by nature, but strong, consistent and faithful in being the bringer of new life and the nurturer of children and husband.  She is also one who gives encouragement, respect, honor and reverence to her husband.  She cannot effectively fulfill her role of God’s design if she is endeavoring to be the head in the marriage.

12. A godly man is a reflection of his creator.  Adam was created in the image and likeness of God.  He was given responsibility over God’s creation, that made him the god of this world.  Adam relinquished that god-like status to Satan when he listened to Eve’s voice rather than God’s Word.   “And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life;” Genesis 3:17. “Know ye not, that to whom ye yield yourselves servants to obey, his servants ye are to whom ye obey; whether of sin unto death, or of obedience unto righteousness?”  Romans 6:16. Adam surrendered his status as god of this world, but retained the responsibility of headship of his family and he did so for every man who descended from him.  Adam, as the progenitor of the entire human race, is the representation of manhood.  He portrays God’s design for men to this very day.  I find it obvious that manhood has fallen into great decay since Adam, and increasingly more so in recent decades.  It is my goal in writing this project to promote a Biblical example of godly manhood, using New Testament truth, including Old Testament examples.  “Now all these things happened unto them for ensamples: and they are written for our admonition, upon whom the ends of the world are come.”  I Corinthians 10:11. Men, by God’s design, tend to be aggressive, controlling, opinionated, possessive, self-appreciating, confident, competitive, single-minded, compassionate, and loving while generally suppressing emotion internally.  It is a rare man that is strong in all these characteristics, but most all men will be strong in one or many of these characteristics.  These virtues are generally appreciated by honest women, but they are also the characteristics that the feminists and their cohorts find most revolting in a man.  These listed virtues are not a complete list, but they are an example of the reflection of God in His creation.  Sin has marred the image of God in His handiwork, but not removed it.  This marred image becomes evident when we see men and women living their lives without honoring the Lordship of Christ.  Selfishness, bitterness, hatred and greed, etc. becomes the theme of their life in varying degrees.  However, I wish to keep our attention on things that are becoming to godly men and women.  Men are designed to be the leader of their families, to protect, provide and support them.  They are to be the spiritual and physical head of the family.  It is a man’s responsibility to work to provide for them, to be the one who meets the wolf at the door or the enemy at the gate.  He is to take the leadership from the hand of God and not wait for his wife to give it to him.  His goal is to be right, not popular.  He is to set an example for his family by being faithful, first of all to God and then to all his responsibilities.  In human sexuality, the man is the giver of seed, the possessor of his woman; penetration in sexual intercourse is the act of lordship, of possessing her, giving of strength and functioning on the human scale as the creator.  For women, sex is about receiving, enveloping and nurturing, but for men it is about possessing, conquering and headship.  (Yes, it is also about pleasure for both) God did not design men to assume the passive role in the husband/wife relationship, but rather to replicate the role of God in creation by taking leadership, responsibility and accompanying authority, all motivated by Godly love.

13.  The differences between men and women in God’s design are real, beneficial and distinct, profitable for both.  Marriage in our western culture has been corrupted by the influence of the Roman and Greek pagan religions that have been inculcated into the doctrine and philosophy of the Roman Catholic Church and by extension into Protestantism.  The concept of a “soul-mate” or “a better half” was made popular by Socrates who tells that Zeus split the first person into two parts and that since then people have been seeking their other half that will make them complete.  Romanized Christianity has used this pagan mythology to explain the following Scripture.  “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” Genesis 2:24 However, the verse says “one flesh”, not one person, not one entity, or one spirit.  Also note that the following indicates that one flesh relegates the relationship to the physical realm only, “What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh”, I Corinthians 6:16. Two applications present themselves from these passages, a)  The joining of a male and female body in sexual intercourse make a matching of parts that makes (temporarily) one flesh.  b)  A man who was part of the one flesh unit of his parents, marries a woman who was part of the one flesh unit of her parents and unite in the marital relationship and form their own one flesh unit with the husband as the head.  The Biblical relationship of the husband and wife is not based upon the two becoming one person, but one unit with distinctively unique roles and functions.

14.  Christians in western society have generally thought of marriage as being entirely between a man and a woman, with each being held to the relationship by love, loyalty and Divine injunction.  However, it should be better understood to be a man and a woman joined by the will of God (personal love and desire are secondary), each of the parties have first loyalty to God and His design for the relationship.  Failure by one or both of the parties to keep the initial love and desire active and consistent does not necessitate dissolution of the marriage because that is the secondary motivation.  The primary motivation to faithfulness and marital success is ultimate faithfulness to God.  If it is God’s will for one to get married, it is God’s will for one to stay married.

15.  Godly Patriarchy is as much a function of Christian women as it is of Christian men.  I will describe the Biblical teaching of the function and responsibility of both, using NT precepts and OT examples.  This is to keep us from being entangled with the Law for the nation of Ancient Israel. These three main passages in the New Testament are where husbands and wives are instructed together and always address the wives first, so I will also; Ephesians 5, Colossians 3 and I Peter 3.

16.  We have already looked at the biological differences and functions between men and women, now I wish to address the social structure of marriage and the woman’s role with some examples to illustrate it.  Ephesians 5:22 presents the wife submitting to her own husband as her service to the Lord. Verse 23 declares that her husband is her head and verse 24 continues that she is to be subject to him in everything.  We find in verse 25 that she should be able to expect that her husband will love her as Christ loves His church.  Verse 28 says that the husband should love her as well as he loves his own body.  The chapter concludes with verse 33 instructing that the wife see that she reveres her husband.  So far it sounds like being a wife is a passive position, somewhat lacking in status and power.  That is the way the world looks at it, however, our authority is God Himself, so we must look for His plan and direction.  I would like to first call to your attention to verse 22 and the words “as unto the Lord”.  While at first glance it appears that the wife is submitting to and serving her husband, while in fact she is first submitting to and serving the Lord, it is our Lord’s instruction we are observing.  Being a Christian wife is a high calling from the Lord Himself, not of mankind.  The husband’s worthiness is not the criteria for wifely submission or reverence, but the command of the Lord is the criteria.  Whether he is a good man or not, does not negate the Lord’s design for marriage, her submission and reverence to her husband, is her service to the Lord, the husband’s benefit is secondary.  In I Peter 3:1-6, he begins with the instruction to wives, “be in subjection to your own husbands”.  However, he follows up with a revelation of the potential and power that a godly wife has. Wives have the opportunity to win unbelieving or disobedient husbands to Christ by the exercise of their godly lifestyle and spirit, called here, the conversation of the wives.  The next verse adds to the wife’s chaste conversation, “coupled with fear”.  That fear is a genuine reverence for God.  From this we see that a godly wife requires a sincere, genuine holiness and a close walk with God.  Far too many men and women see the role of a wife as far more superficial than what God designed her to be.  In God’s design for wives, the single most significant feature is her spirit, that part of her that is most like the Lord, when she is in the right relationship with her Savior.  Verse 4 declares it to be the “hidden man of the heart” and “the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.” King Solomon’s mother, Bathsheba instructed him in Proverbs 31:10, with these words, “Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies.”  A virtuous woman, a godly woman with a meek and quiet spirit; one whose demeanor reflects the Lord she serves, is most effective in the passive role in the marital relationship.  This woman is more effective in this role than any other and no one can improve on her status.  Worldly fame and fortune are eclipsed by a godly woman serving God through being in submission to her husband.  A godly wife is her husband’s helper, not his burden or his supervisor.  She functions well as his supporter and cheerleader, encouraging him to do well in that which God has called him to be.  She may easily be more intelligent than him and more capable than he, but it is his God given work that is to be followed.  A godly wife ought not feign humility to make herself look servile, rather the meekness Peter wrote about is the effort of avoiding self-promotion, not appearing less than what she really is.  Any man worth his salt will revel in the excellence of his wife’s virtue, intelligence and ability.  I have said for decades, “when a wife becomes a mother, the husband either gains a family or loses a wife.”  A wife’s function becomes increasingly complex when she becomes a mother.  There exists a tendency to subordinate the role of wife, and make the role of being a mother the primary role.  That would be a mistake.  By deferring cheerfully to the husband/father, a mother is demonstrating to the child that there is a lordship relationship between the parents.  This is vital to her teaching the child about her relationship to God and then teaching the child about the Lord so that he/she too may come to the Savior for him/herself.  Falsely deferring to the husband’s leadership does not fool the children.  They mimic not only the appearance of the mother’s behavior, but also the spirit of it.

Godly Patriarchy Is Biblical Marriage

Based on Ephesians 5:22-33, the best way to understand God’s design for marriage is to recognize the relationship between Christ and His churches. A husband is to be to his wife what Jesus is to each of His churches. Too often people only talk about his living sacrificially. I maintain that a dead savior is of no use to anyone. Yes, Jesus died for us, BUT NOW He LIVES to be our Lord, our head, our protector. His relationship to each of His churches is first and foremost, that of authority. A wife is to be for her husband what each church is to be for Christ Jesus. She is to be completely devoted to him. She is to be invested in his program, not an independent one of her own. She is to be in complete submission to his will and authority. Have we any Biblical record of any NT churches that did not meet this criteria and still received praise from Christ Jesus? I recommend reading about the seven churches of Asia in the Revelation, chapters 2 & 3. The world cannot receive this, nor can they practice it. To do so, they would only have a hollow hull of a pumpkin, with all the meat gone, doomed to disillusionment. Biblical, God designed marriage REQUIRES first, above all else, a love for the Lord and a TOTAL surrender to Him, by each party for Biblical marriage, for it to work. Forget about getting counselling for your spouse UNTIL after you, yourself, are in complete submission to Christ Jesus. When that is achieved, more than half of your problems will be solved and/or dissolved.

My Definition of Godly Patriarchy

Patriarchy is not limited to Christians, actually it is almost absent among Christians. It is, however, the order and structure of society for every great nation and people in their founding and development. Oftentimes, secular patriarchy has been extreme and insensitive to the plight and role of women. In many patriarchal cultures, women were regarded as less than equal of value to men. The plight of women in such times and cultures has been deplorable. Everywhere that the Word of God and the Gospel of Jesus Christ has been faithfully preached, believed and implemented, the status of women has been elevated to a higher plane than the rest of the world. Godly Patriarchy is not built on the same platform as any other form of patriarchy, but rather on the Word of God. In the beginning of this definition and description of Godly Patriarchy, I present a portion of I Corinthians 11 for your examination. 1 Corinthians 11:3-9 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God. Every man praying or prophesying, having his head covered, dishonoureth his head. But every woman that prayeth or prophesieth with her head uncovered dishonoureth her head: for that is even all one as if she were shaven. For if the woman be not covered, let her also be shorn: but if it be a shame for a woman to be shorn or shaven, let her be covered. For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man. For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.

The order of authority for the family, according to this concise passage is this:
A. God, the Father.

B. Jesus Christ, God the Son.

C. Husband/father.

D. Wife/mother.

E. Children

In light of this, I offer that Godly Patriarchy is for every man, whether he is married or not, whether he is a father or not. This is so, because he is under the authority of Christ Jesus and our heavenly Father. The true spirit of Godly Patriarchy is not that of a man wielding his authority over his wives and children, but rather the transfer of God’s authority through the husband to those entrusted by our Lord to the man’s care. The husband is a conduit of God’s Word, will, and love. In this scenario, a godly husband/father treats his family as gifts from God and he cares for them as a good steward of God’s love and authority. His purpose in utilizing the authority imputed to him by God, is to protect, provide for, and preserve them in God’s stead. Every aspect of God’s relationship with His creation is designed to be taught and experienced in the design of the family. The husband/father portrays the role and nature of God to his family in his exercise of God-given authority. The wife/mother portrays the church of Christ by her love for and support of, as well as her voluntary submission to her own husband. Through the man and woman living this replicated relationship, any of their children, as well as the watching world may see the redemptive and restorative work of God on a level that may be understood by all. 1 Peter 3:1-7 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement. Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.